The Strider Bros
by doubleblood
Summary: Dave and Dirk being bros. This summary would be so much cooler without the character limit... whatever. Better summary inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, everyone! It's me again!**

**So, this story's kinda unique compared to my others, because you can just read what chapters you want (in order, of course) without actually reading all the way through, and there's no real cliffhanger.**

**I'll do another A/N when the pairings start to show themselves.**

== Be Davey

You are Davey Strider. You are five years old and you're super cool. You're the coolest kid in your class, including the teacher-even though she's totally awesome and nice. You were one of the first kids to learn to read in your class and since then you haven't stopped.

You especially love it when your teacher lets you take home books to read to Bro.

"Bro?"

"Hm? What's up, lil' man?"

Your big brother is the coolest guy in the whole universe. He is an unstoppable force of pure awesome and you look up to him for everything.

"Um… I… teacher let me take home a book…"

Bro smiles, lifting you onto his lap, "Sweet, lil' bro, read it to me. What's it called?"

You smile, "Ca… camping… day!" You look up at him, "Camping day!"

"Dude, that sounds awesome. Let's hear it."

You can't help but rest against your bro's shoulder as you read, holding it out so he can see, too. You read out what happens to the small family of crocodiles as they go on a camping trip. Bro has to help you with a few words, but not many. What he does most often is add in his own opinion, making you giggle.

"'Tie where' said Sam. 'Peg there?' said Pam. 'Can't see!' said Will. 'Help me!' said Jill." You smile and look at the next page, "'Finally!' said Sam, Pam, Will, and Jill."

"That is one messed up looking tent." Bro smirks, "I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to look like that. Davey, if you ever go camping and your tent looks like that, try again. It'll start raining and then you're screwed because that thing's coming down!"

You can't help but erupt in a fit of giggles at what Bro says. He's always so funny and cool.

You gasp.

"What?" Bro asks, probably worried you'd hurt yourself somehow.

"You should be my Show-and-Tell!"

He pauses, "What?"

You turn around, grinning, "If I bring you to Show-and-Tell, I'd be the coolest kid in the everness of always!"

"That's a long time, lil' man." Bro chuckled.

"Please me my Show-and-Tell, Bro! Please, please, please!"

Bro sighs, "On one condition."

"Anything!"

He smiles, "Finish the book. I can't wait to see the ending."

You grin and immediately consent to his request.

== Be the coolest big brother in the world

You are Dirk Strider. About four years ago you found this kid, your brother, in a hole in the ground. That in itself is too awesome for words, so you kept him, naming him David and raising him yourself. There have been rough patches, but Davey has always been sensible and understanding.

And, no matter what anyone ever says or has said, you love him. You love him with all your heart and would give your own life for him.

"Davey!"

The boy gasps in shock and runs over to you, pushing you towards the car, "No, Bro! Go back in! You'll ruin my Show-and-Tell!"

"Calm down, kid, I need to talk to your teacher."

"Then wait in the car until everyone's gone!" Davey tells you and pulls open the car door, "In!"

You stand there.

"Please?"

"That's better." You smile and slide into the car. You might as well give the kid his fun. He's smiling as he runs back over to his friends, gesticulating like crazy, obviously talking about you since he keeps pretending like he has a hat.

You chuckle to yourself, closing your eyes behind your shades.

You remember teaching Davey what all the buttons and knobs on a turntable does and how it works. You remember trying to teach him flashstepping (it turned out horrible. Every time Davey would try, he'd trip and get hurt, but he'd get up and try again. You finally forced him to stop when his knees were a bloody mess, his elbows starched and dirtied, and his shades breaking.) and when the kid had woken you up in the middle of the night with a flashlight and his first book.

He'd been so proud of himself, having taught himself to read. He'd snuck into your room and quietly asked if you were awake. Of course you had been, you'd always had trouble going to sleep. You'd never been able to stop the nightmares. So you turned on the light and let Davey crawl up into your bed and read to you.

You almost jump when you hear the door open. Almost. You open your eyes and look at Davey.

"Is everyone gone?"

"Yup!" he smiles.

"So I can come out?"

He nods.

"Are you sure? There's no one hiding in the bushes or anything?"

Davey giggles, "No one here is that cool, Bro."

You smile at him and exit the vehicle. He takes your hand, leading you to the classroom.

"Miss Moore?"

The teacher turns from where she stood at the blackboard. She was pretty, brown hair and eyes and always smiley. She welcomed you in and turned to finish writing down things for the next day in class.

"Davey, how about you go play on the playground while I talk to your brother?" She smiles.

"Okay." He leaves quickly.

"Don't worry." She tells you before you can even open your mouth, "There's two teachers out there right now to watch him." She puts down her chalk and looks at you, "Mister Strider, I'm worried about Davey."

"Is something wrong?" You ask.

She sighs, "He's the only student in my class who can't read and it's-"

"Hold up, Davey was reading to me just yesterday when he came home. A book you let him borrow. Camping Day or something."

She paused, "I did lend that to him, yes… but whenever I ask him if he can read for me, he shakes his head and won't speak."

You can't help but pause.

Davey's always been so excited about reading to you.

"Maybe reading in front of everyone's got him nervous." You try.

She shakes her head, "I can't even get him to read alone to me."

"That can't be right. Little dude woke me up at two in the morning about three months ago to read to me."

She crosses her arms, "Perhaps he's misinterpreted something you've said to him?"

"No way. The only thing I ever say when it comes to his reading is that he's doing awesome and even ask him to read things for me every once in a while."

It was true. Last week, at the store, you'd actually written down a list just so Davey could read it for you.

She holds up her hands in surrender, "I didn't mean to offend you, Mister Strider. I'm just trying to figure this out."

"Why not just ask the kid?" You ask, "I'll go get him."

And you do just that. You leave the room and make your way to the playground, where Davey is sitting on the ground, drawing circles on the ground in red clack.

"What're you doin', little bro?"

He smiles, "It's a clock! See? There's the clock, and here's the stick thingies!"

"That's sweet, lil' man. Mind coming inside for a bit? Teach has a question for you."

Davey smiles and stands up, "Okay."

He takes your hand, guiding you back to the room once again. You open the door for him and watch him run over to his desk.

"Davey…"

He looks up at the teacher, "Yes, Ma'am?"

Damn. Kid's got manners. What a boss.

"Can you read?"

He smiles, "Yep! I can read a lot! I love reading to Bro!"

"Then why don't you read in class?"

His smile dies away and he looks down, "Because…"

"Hey, what's wrong, lil' man?" You ask, walking over and kneeling beside him.

You can only see him glance at you because of the slight amount of his eyes you can see, being beside him. He bites his lip for a second.

"I don't wanna lose it."

"Lose what?"

His hands are now clutched in tony fists, gripping his shorts for dear life, "One of the boys from Mizz Murray's class said you can only read so much before you lose it… and he said his big brother read so much that he suddenly couldn't anymore and I don't want to not be able to read to Bro…"

"Dude, you're not going to forget how to read." You smile at him, "You're going to get better. People are going to beg to listen to you read. You'll be surrounded by a whole bunch of kids, just begging for you to read for them and you'll be the king of reading."

He turns to you now, "Really?"

"Would I lie to you about something _this_ awesome? I mean, jeez, kid, I wish I could read like you." You mess up his hair, making him giggle, "Why don't you show Miss Moore just how amazing your reading skills are?"

He smiles and runs off to find a book.

"Quick question." You look at her, "You're cool with the kid bringing me in for his Show-and-Tell, right?"

She smiles, "Of course."

"Awesome."

Davey comes back with another book in his hands and sits down, "Bro likes this one, don't you, Bro?"

"I don't know, Davey, what's the name? Can't have a book without a name. That's just uncool."

"Goodnight iPad."

You smile, "This book is awesome."

Miss Moore sits in the desk next to Davey while you sit on the other one. Davey opens the book and smiles.

"In the bright and buzzing room, there was an iPad, and a kid playing Doom, and a…" Davey pauses "A scr…screens…saver… of…" he turns the page, "a bird launching over the moon!"

== Be the kid

== Wake up Bro

"Bro!" You jump onto his bed, "Wake up! You have to get ready for Show-and-Tell!"

"Uhhh… Davey, Show-and-Tell isn't until after lunch. Let me sleep."

"You still have to take me to school!" You grin, "I made Pop Tarts!"

"I hate Pop Tarts."

"But, Bro, they're _ironic_! They're called tart, but instead, they're sweet!"

You smile when bro sits up, "I love Pop Tarts!"

You are Davey Strider and you haven't been able to sit still at all. Friday is Show-and-Tell and you're having bro come in… but it's almost time and Bro hasn't showed up yet.

"Davey?"

You look to one of your friends, Amanda, who is smiling at you.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Your bro will bring your Show-and-Tell, don't worry."

Miss Moore stands up, "Alright, everyone, you know what time it is!"

Your heart sinks to your toes. And it stays there. Now you have heart in your toes. Yuck.

_Ding!_

You pause. Your heart has gone back up to your ankles now… hoping…

"_Miss Moore?"_

"Yes?" Your teacher answers to the lady in the front office, Miss Pam.

"_Can you send up Davey Strider to get his Show-and-Tell?"_

Your heart is now back where it belongs, pumping and filling you with wonderful blood from your chest. Not toe blood. Toe blood is gross.

"Of course." Miss Moore answers and takes a hallway pass from her desk, handing it to you, "You can show yours as soon as you get back, Davey."

You take the pass and almost run out the door and to the front office, giddy to no end. You pull open the door and walk up to the front office.

"Davey!"

You grin and run over to Bro, "You made it!"

"Of course I did, little dude, I wouldn't let you down like that. Did I miss anything?"

"No, teacher just started!" You grin and drag your brother outside, guiding him to the room. He would probably lose his way if it wasn't for you. Bro always needs to hold your hand so that he doesn't forget where he is. Yep.

You leave him outside the door, telling him to stay where he is and open the door.

"Davey, are you ready?" Miss Moore asks.

You grin and nod, telling Bro to come in.

"This is my Show-and-Tell!" You announce, "My totally awesome big brother!"

You look up at Bro and guide him over to the run, letting him sit down. After all, he was really tall compared to your classmates.

"He's really smart and he's super-fast and really _really_ good with swords!"

Amanda giggled and put her hand up, "Bro, can you really move so fast you can't be seen?"

"Well, it's not really that you can't see me, it's more of a blur, I guess…"

Oh, no…

You clench your fists in determination. Bro was uncomfortable and you had to make it better for him.

"Bro?" You turn to him, "Did you bring him?"

And the Strider stoicism slips when Bro smirks slightly, "Of course I did. I never go anywhere without him."

You grin, "Prepare to be amazified at the pure coolness of the coolest thing Bro's made _ever_!"

== Be Dirk

Your heart seems to jump when Davey announces Cal like that. Davey's obviously scared of Lil' Cal. He almost stabbed the puppet once. But, here he was, sacrificing himself to take the attention off of you.

You are Dirk Strider, and you have to pretend like you're cleaning your shades to hide the fact that you want to cry.

Because you now know that Davey loves you as much as you love him.

**~~…~~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh my gosh, guys! You're getting me worked up over just three reviews! I practically exploded when my iPod started making my incoming mail noise (I chose the really cool sweeping in sounds, it's so awesome) and my sister and her friend stared at me for ten minues dancing around the living room like a weirdo!**

**And just because it's a completely new story and fandom, doesn't mean my methods of thanking are any different. I'm addressing those who review directly!**

**So thanks to Dreamplay06, Little Miss Zy, and Autumn Artist! You're all wonderful and sweet! 8D**

**So here's more Strider Swag for you! **

**Oh, and there's a small hint of John/Dave in here.**

== Stop being Davey

You stop being Davey.

You are now Dave Strider. You are twelve and not much has changed between you and Bro. You've stopped wearing that ridiculous heart shirt. Your record is so much cooler.

"Wake up, Dave, you can't sleep all day."

You groan and drag yourself out of bed.

"Oh, great…" You groan.

You'd fallen asleep while working again. You'd been composing a rap to show off to your best bro all night. And you'd fallen asleep.

At least the paper wasn't ruined, just a little crumpled.

"You finally gonna tell him?"

You look up and realize Bro is still in the doorway.

"Gonna tell who what?"

Bro shakes his head, "Tell John, who else?"

"What would I tell him?"

"God, you're dense. That you like him, stupid."

You glare, "I don't like him."

Bro shrugs, "Whatever, kid. You keep lying to yourself like that."

You are Dave Strider, and you just want to go back to sleep…

"Hey, get dressed." Bro tells you, "We're going out for a bit."

You grumble and grab your awesome shades that matched Bro's. You flatten out your hair with your hands, uncaring, and pull on your shoes.

== Be the cool guy

You are Dirk, and you feel like you're drifting from Dave. He's stopped reading to you, much to your disappointment, but you never show anything but indifference. After all, if there was anything Dave's always looked up to in you is how cool you are.

But you know what will bring you closer to him again.

You're going down to the mall, just a casual thing you usually do with Dave when you've got nothing better to do… but he doesn't know you're going to be watching his every move, his every minor reaction, to find the perfect birthday present for him.

Something Dave wants and may actually break his recently-discovered Strider Stoicism.

You are Dirk Strider, and all you really want is to see that sweet little Davey-smile again.

== Throw Dave a party

You would do that… but Dave doesn't have any friends to invite. Amanda, his only real friend, moved a year ago, and he's not the most social kid in the world.

So you just make it a Strider celebration.

Then you receive a few packages in the mail. All addressed to Dave.

From his internet friends, probably. He did say they'd promised to send him something.

"Bro, I'm home."

== Scare the hell out of Dave

You grab Cal and flashstep to your brother, declaring happy birthday to him in your Cal voice.

"HOLY SHI-"

You chuckle, "Happy birthday, Dave."

"Thanks, Bro…"

You smile, "Your friends sent you some stuff."

He looks at the boxes, wrapped in blue, green, and purple, and smiles a little, "Cool."

While Dave unwraps those, you decide to finish icing the cupcakes you'd made… ironically, of course. You didn't wear an apron and sing songs from Wicked the Musical. No. Of course not.

You stick a candle in one of the cupcakes and turn, grabbing a lighter from one of the drawers. When you look up, Dave has his shades off and is studying another pair.

"What's that?"

He looks up at you, "According to John, they're Ben Stiller's shades." He slips them on, "What do you think?"

You smile at him, "Awesome." You set the cupcake down, lighting it, "I'd sing, but you probably don't want to hear my screeching."

"Your singing sounds like those damn crows that fly around this place." Dave chuckles and pauses, making a wish. He then blows out the candle and you pull it out. Dave quickly devours the sugary treat and looks at you, "These are good."

"Thanks." You grab one for yourself, "Now, for my presents."

"Aw, bro, you didn't-"

You chuckle, "Don't, kid. Just look. I've set it up and everything."

== Be the birthday boy

You lick the icing off your fingers and make your way into your room, where Bro is standing by your bed. And pushed against the wall, by your closet is…

"Oh, God…"

"You like it?"

You can't believe your eyes.

"You got me my own turntables?" You ask, looking at him in shock.

"Sure thing, lil' man. Now we can make sick beats together."

You're pretty sure you've never smiled like that ever before. You jump over to Bro, breaking the Strider Code, and hug him. You can't think of anything else to do.

"Thank you so much, bro, you are the best brother ever!"

== Be the best brother ever

You wrap your arms around Dave, returning the hug.

Nothing else mattered right now.

You were happy.

Dave had smiled at you again.

A real, genuine grin, not a Strider Smirk.

You couldn't wait to see his reaction when you gave him his own sword.

== Be the cool kid again

You are Dave Strider.

And you have the coolest big brother in the universe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Awww, I know this is a read-by-chapter story instead of my old minifics, but you can keep reviewing, guys!**

**Please?**

**Thanks to SyC0bEaR for their review! I'm glad everyone's finding this as cute as I had hoped!**

**This one's a lot shorter than the others, but I absolutely _had_ to put this in here.**

== Be the orange bird Dave

You are Dave Strider.

Or, you were. You kind of gave up that position when you time traveled and programmed yourself into a sprite.

So… your name is now Davesprite, since that's what everyone's been calling you.

You can't help but feel as though something is wrong. Something isn't right.

Oh, right. Maybe it's the fact that the insufferable douchebag known as Jack Noir is challenging your bro. You have no idea is Bro even recognizes who you are, now that you're a big orange bird-guy, but at least you don't have a sword in you anymore. That might help.

Instead it's in your hand, and you're helping Bro to fight against this disgusting nightmare of a freak.

== Be the disgusting nightmare of a freak

You are Jack Noir.

And you have never seen anything so sickeningly vile before in your life. Sentiment. Bleh.

You have a feeling those words are going to come back and punch you straight in the balls later…

Where were you?

Oh, right. These two. The human and the sprite that seem to look similar…

"Dave?"

Oh, look, the taller one has a voice.

The sprite doesn't answer, just stares you down.

You smirk.

"Caw caw," The sprite finally speaks, "Come at me, Noir."

== Be the human one

You are Dirk Strider, and you can remember about fifteen years ago…

Just a little bit before you'd found Davey, you'd broken up with a girlfriend. You'd dated for four months and, in all honesty, you were really beginning to like her.

To really like her.

And then she broke up with you.

She said you'd spent too much time on your puppets and Lil' Cal to be with her. She said that you were a useless sack of stupidity and you aren't worth her time. She said that you were below her.

And the she dunked Cal into some orange juice and left.

You told yourself after that that you wouldn't need anyone but Cal. Cal was awesome.

But here you were, defending a giant orange bird version of your adopted sibling and doing all you could to protect him. Even if the dude didn't really need it.

"Missed you, Bro."

You blink, not stopping in your attack of this strange looking winged guy with one arm.

"Oh, you're addressing me now?" You ask.

"Sorry." BirdDave smiles at you.

And you go on in silence from then on.

== Be BirdDave again.

You are BirdDave again.

And you can't believe your cowardice.

Bro could be alive! He could be saved! But by who? You were no longer a Prince of Derse. You didn't care if it meant kissing your guardian… if only you could save him…

But you can't and it's a pointless hope.

Jack's gone.

You float down to where Bro's body is… God, there's so much blood, and your feathers are _everywhere_.

You set down next to Bro and reach out, hesitant… is it alright to touch a dead family member? You don't care. You collapse on him, avoiding the sword standing up in his chest, and sob. You sob your no longer real eyes out.

You used to be Dave Strider.

And, after four years in a doomed timeline with no brother, no Heir, and no Witch, programming yourself into a sprite, and watching your brother die, you think you deserve to at least deserve the ability to cry over said brother.

You _are_ Dave Strider.

And you haven't cried this hard in your life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay, everyone! And this is a short chapter, so I'm adding two.**

**Oh, and they're switching to theory chapters now. based off of my vivid and stupid imagination in which everyone is as weird as the voices in my head and Dirk like Jem and the Holograms as well as My Little Pony. Because Jem and the Holograms is awesome.**

**Yep.**

**And thanks to the reviewers! 8D SyC0bEaR, BlueStrawberyyIII, YouMakeMeWetterThanZoraDomain, and Autumn Artist! You all make me so happy! I LOVES YOOOOU!**

**Okay, to the story.**

== Be the hat kid

You are Dirk Strider, and you are eleven years old. You are lonely.

Sure, you've figured out how epically amazing your bro was, you helped Roxy find out hers as well, but it's not the same as actually knowing the guy.

== Grow up

You are the Prince of Heart, and you are now sixteen… you think. You gave up on keeping track of time a while ago.

So, you're at least sixteen.

You are supposed to wait here, on the battlefield, for something. What that is, you have no idea, but according to UU it's of the utmost importance and you have to wait on the third white square to the right of the sword sticking out of the black square by the river. Oh, and you have to face north. It took you about ten minutes to figure out which way was north, but you did. And you're not supposed to turn around unless someone talks to you.

So here you are, standing on the third white square to the right of the sword sticking out of the black square by the river… waiting. Facing what you hope is the right direction. You hear something behind you, but whatever. You can't turn around yet. You're going to stay true to UU's directions and wait, even if you think it'll get you killed.

Because that's just how cool you are.

"Bro?"

You pause and turn around.

Behind you was a boy about your age. He had blonde hair just like yours and wore rounded shades… in a bright red pajama-like outfit.

The boy reached towards you, but stops.

== Be the boy

You pull your hand back. You don't want to get your hopes up.

Bro is dead.

Your guardian is dead.

"Dave!"

The wind around the pair of you circles for a bit and John floats down to relax in the air. He smiles.

"Oh, I guess we made it!" he grins his buck-toothed grin, "I'll leave you two to your little family reunion. Don't mind me!"

"You really are Bro, then." You say, "I never thought I'd see you again…"

The other boy, your brother from a different universe, makes the first move and reaches out, putting a hand to your shoulder.

"Good God, you're real." He smiles, "Are you really my brother? I mean, Dave, right? _The_ Dave Strider, the awesome dude who cut the hell out of those freaks and rode off into the night?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about… but I _am_ Dave Strider."

You can't believe the look on this kid's face. He's almost exploding with joy. You don't think even John can smile that wide. Hell, _Joker_ can't smile that wide, and his mouth was extended with a knife!

== Be the Prince

You are Dirk Strider, and you've finally met your bro. In real life. Okay, he's not exactly the amazing Dave Strider of legend who cut down the juggalo presidents and flew off into the sky, but he _is_ Dave Strider. And he's your brother.

You can't stop yourself.

You hug him.

Jake and Roxy and UU are pestering you by now, but it's easy to close your eyes and forget about them if only for this moment…

== Be the Heir

"I'm the best ectobiolodaddy ever."

Karkat punches you in the shoulder, just for good measure, "Stop being stupid, Egbert. Come on, nooksuckers, we're here for a reason!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, pairing warning, everyone! We're getting into some serious DaveJohn/Pepsicola/Hammertime/Whatever-You-Call-John-And-Dave-Being-Gay-Together.**

**Not to mention that Bro's being the amazing parental figure he is. **

**And then, of course, I ruin everything.**

**Oh. There's some Dirk/Jake in here, too.**

== Do the timeskip thingy and switch characters.

The author does the timeskip thingy.

You are once again Dave Strider.

You are done. The game is over. You've won and everything goes back to normal.

Right?

You're kind of shaking when you stand up from your computer. You stumble to the door and compose yourself. As soon as you're steady, you open the door and walk out.

"Hey, kid, want some mac an- what the hell?"

As soon as you saw Bro, you could contain yourself. You tackled him in a hug.

"Hey, hey, what's goin' on, Dave?"

You grin into his shirt. You can feel tears beginning to form in your eyes and you push back, wiping them away.

"I… I'm sorry, Bro… teenage angst and all that." You smile at him, "Yeah… mac and cheese sounds good right now."

He's hesitant, "Um… cool. I just finished it."

"How about we watch something on TV?" You ask, grabbing two bowls, "I think they added Jem and the Holograms to the instant play on Netflix."

"You hate Jem and the Holograms."

"But you like it, right?" You smile up at him and hand him his bowl, which you'd filled with half the macaroni, "Go ahead and put it on."

You understand his hesitance to go do as you'd said, but you don't care. You just want to spend time with him.

"So, what's with the necklace?"

You pause and look down. Around your neck was…

It was the pendant you'd used to summon Davesprite. You wonder what would happen if you tried to use it again… but he was freed, wasn't he? It wouldn't do anything anyways.

"Present from a friend."

"John?" Bro asks.

"No…" You smile, "Not exactly. Is it ready?"

"Yep."

You are Dave Strider and you actually sit through the first five episodes of Jem and the Holograms with only a break to put the dishes away.

"You wanna watch something else?" Bro asks, "Because I gotta get to work."

"Does Rio ever figure out that Jerrica is Jem?" You ask.

He smiles and messes up your hair, "You have to keep watching to figure out."

You are Dave Strider and you can't believe how happy you are to see Bro again.

"Hey, wait a minute. I just realized that I'm sixteen and I've never known your real name is Dirk."

And that is when you figure out that you still have some of your Knight of Time powers.

== Punish Dave

"Oh, God, Bro, don't make me do this."

You rub your knuckles into Dave's hair, "This is your own fault, mister Knight of Time. You should've fixed my memories as soon as you realized you had to. Not by accident."

"I said I'm sorry!"

"No. Sorry doesn't fix it this time, Davey." ("Don't call me Davey.") "I _died_ for you. You have to do this."

**turntechGodhead (TG) ****began pestering ****ectoBilogist (EB)**

**TG: sup**

"No, stop, I don't want to do this."

"You're doing it, now quit whining or I'll lock you in the bathroom with Cal again."

**EB: hi dave!**

**EB: wow can you believe we actually did it**

**EB: im sorry im just having trouble wrapping my brain around it all...**

**TG: its all good, man**

**TG: i gotta tell you somethin**

**EB: go ahead**

**TG: ... **

"I can't."

You look down at Dave, "Do it."

"I can't. I know what he's going to say and I don't want to read it. I'm not going to do it."

You roll your eyes, "Want me to type it for you?"

"No! I'm not telling him and neither are you! Lock me up with Cal, I don't care, but I'm not ruining my friendship!"

**EB: dave?**

**EB: dave are you still there?**

**EB: are you okay?**

**EB: daaaaaaaaaaaave**

**EB: hey is something wrong?**

**TG: its nothing**

**TG: nevermind.**

You sigh and look at him, "You know what this means, right?"

"I'm a pathetic wimp and I'm getting locked up in the bathroom with Cal?"

"Well, that, and now I'm going to get him to come here so that you can tell him in person." You smile.

**TG: john?**

**EB: yeah dave?**

**TG: i know youre probably not going to respond to this how i would prefer**

**TG: but**

**TG: i love you**

"Good boy." You smile and pat Dave on the head.

He just sets his head down on the desk, obviously dreading the response. You sigh and rub his back. You know it was mean of you to do this, but you are the Prince of Heart-even if it was an alternate universe- and you know this had to be done.

Or else it would've torn Dave apart slowly.

**EB: really?**

**EB: well... i... i know your expecting me to say im not a homo**

**EB: but...**

**EB: i think i like you too...**

You poke Dave, "Dude…"

"No, I don't wanna see it."

"Dude, he says he likes you."

"What?"

**TG: really?**

**EB: well**

**EB: yeah**

**EB: :B**

**TG: gog egbert thats awesome**

**EB: hehe**

You're sure John continued talking, but you decided to respect your brother's privacy.

And you don't really want to read all that lovey stuff… because, by some strange miracle of that weird clown freak…

You have the other yous memories.

You remember being the Prince of Heart, finding Dave, fighting with Roxy, pestering uu and UU, and you remember Jake.

Jake English.

You are Dirk Strider and you're still in love with someone you are almost certain is dead.

== Repay the favor

You are Dave Strider and you leave your brand new boyfriend for a minute because… well, something isn't right.

"Bro?"

"D-Dave!" Bro actually jumps. He's got his back to you and is messing around with Cal, "I thought you we-were talking to John."

You freeze for a moment when you hear him stutter. Bro doesn't stutter.

It just doesn't happen.

You quickly make your way over to him and spin him around, watching as he slumps against the wall, dropping Cal to the floor and pulling his hands to his face.

"Bro, what's wrong?" You ask, helping him over to the couch.

He isn't responding, just sobbing his eyes out. Speaking of which… you quickly remove his glasses and set them aside before turning back to him and hugging him.

"Hey, talk to me, Bro. This caring thing can go two ways, you know."

"I got his memories…"

You blink, "Whose?"

"Dirk… the other Dirk… the one you met when you scratched. I got all of his memories… all of his feelings…" Bro's actually trembling, "God, Dave… I'm in love with someone I don't even know!"

"You mean… do you mean English?" You feel your own heart sink. Because you know it's useless… Jade's grandfather is dead, "Oh… bro…"

You hold Bro, letting him cry into your shirt. Because there's nothing else you can do.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the wait, everyone. We're almost done with the story, though!**

**Sorry for ending so many chapters on sad notes before, but this is a happier one. So, yay!**

**Thanks to UsagiGirl123, Goldenpeltthewarrior, and Guest for their reviews! You win a free brain cell! Here, take one of mine. I'm not using them! XD**

**Alright, pairings: Dave/John Dirk/Jake Rose/Kanaya and a bit of Equius/Nepeta**

== Fix this

"Dave, what are you doing?"

You smile and push a kiss to your boyfriend's forehead. Bro had actually invited John down for his Spring Break a few weeks after you'd gotten together and now, he was here.

"It's nothing." You tell him, "You hungry?"

He shakes his head, "No, I'm good."

"Alright." You turn back to your laptop.

**TG: what do you think**

**CC: O)( I'm not s)(ore about it, Dave...**

**CC: )(ow do we know it will work?**

**TG: i know it's a stretch**

**TG: but hes my brother**

**TG: he not only entered the game somehow**

**TG: but he took on jack TWICE**

**TG: and hes pretty much the same as dirk**

**TG: hes even got all of dirks memories**

**CC: If you t)(ink it'll work**

**CC: I trust you**

**CC: But you )(ave to convince t)(e ot)(ers, too**

**TG: im pretty sure tz will be up to it**

**TG: i dont really know aradia tho**

**TG: and im not sure if kanaya likes me**

**CC: Don't forget Nepeta**

**TG: do we need her**

**CC: S)(-E'S T)(-E ROGU-E OF )(EART FOR GLUBBING SAK-E!**

**TG: heart**

**TG: right**

**TG: damn it**

**TG: bro better love me after this**

"Bro already loves you, Dave." John smiles up at you, "So, what're you plotting that involves the Witch of Life, the Seer of Mind, the Maid of Time, the Sylph of Space, and the Rogue of Heart? And could it possibly involve an Heir of Breath?"

"I'd tell you, bro." You smile, "But you'd tell me it's a bad idea. Besides, I've got trolls to pester."

"I could help, you know. I think Nepeta likes me and I know Aradia and Kanaya like Rose. Come on, why don't we do this as a team again?" He smiles up at you from your lap, "Please?"

You turn away, "You're not convincing me into this with your puppy dog eyes, Egbert."

"Please, Davey?"

The nickname sends shivers down your spine. And the fact that he's begun to kiss your neck doesn't help.

"We don't even know if it'll work." You warn him.

But he's too happy you're letting him in on it to care.

====== Be the blind one

You are Terezi Pyrope and you're completely and utterly _bored_.

And you don't feel like getting any of your scalemates from their hanging places. Even if you did, you can't think of any cases to try.

That's why you almost explode with joy when you hear your computer chime an incoming message.

**turntechGodhead (TG) ****began pestering ****gallowsCalibrator (GC)**

**TG: hey**

**TG: pyrope**

**TG: you there**

**GC: D4V3!**

**GC: WH4TS UP?**

**TG: not much**

**TG: just planning something extremely crazy and maybe dangerous**

**TG: wanna help?**

**GC: OH MY GOG, D4V3, YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW SW33T TH4T SM3LLS!**

**TG: So**

**TG: youre in?**

**GC: Y333333333333333333333S!**

**GC: H3Y, W41T, WH4T 4M 1 4GR331ING TO?**

**TG: my question first**

**TG: do you still have your seer powers**

== be the purple text girl

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You just finished informing John Egbert on how stupid of a plan this was, but ended up agreeing to it anyways. Now you're pestering someone you've never had any trouble talking to.

**tentacleTherapist (TT) ****began pestering ****grimAuxiliatrix (GA)**

**TT: Hello, Kanaya.**

**GA: Hello Rose**

**GA: To What Do I Owe This Pleasure**

**TT: To brotherly love, of all things.**

**GA: You Are Speaking Of Dave And Dirk**

**TT: But of course. Dave has grown much fonder of his older brother and has actually propositioned something for him of which he requires your help along with a few other trolls.**

**GA: What Is This Plan He Has Concocted**

**TT: One that will involve your space powers. I imagine you retain them?**

====== Be the cat

You are now Jaspers. You—

====== Wrong cat

Oh…

Ahem.

You are now Nepeta Lejion.

**EB: so what do you think**

**AC: :33 ooooh!**

**AC: :33 I called this pair! I called it called it called it!**

**AC: :33 Id love to help but I have to ask CT**

**EB: equius?**

**EB: dont mention me**

**EB: i dont think he likes me all that much**

**AC: :33 He likes you purrfectly fine! Something about "D- a link between heirs" or something...**

**AC: :33 He said I can help if he gets to tag along to watch me**

**AC: :33 I think he really just wants to see the reunion. He's into cute things like that.**

**EB: great! ill tell dave!**

**EB: thanks nep!**

**AC: :33 *AC hugs her human furrend, excited for the plan they are now in cahoots in!***

**EB: :B**

**EB: *john hugs AC back***

**EB: sorry im not good at rps**

**AC: :33 You will learn *AC grins at EB***

== Be Jade

You are Jade Harley and you are super excited for this little plan you've become involved in.

Your job for now is to convince Aradia to join.

**GG: so what do you think**

**AA: the idea has merit and is well th0ught 0ut**

**AA: and I understand the reas0ning 0n a pers0nal level**

**AA: alright**

**AA: Im in**

**GG: yay! :D**

== Go back to being the cool kid again

You are the cool kid again.

"Hey, Dave…"

You glance up from your video game, having paused it, to look at your boyfriend.

"What's up, bro?"

He smiles at you, walking over to curl up at your side, "I talked to a few people yesterday…"

"Did you, now?"

"Yep." He smiles, "And guess what."

"You're going to stay here with me forever?"

Did he just giggle? God, that has to be the cutest damn thing ever.

"No, but I did figure out that all the components of your little plan are in place."

You have to pause on that one, "Really? Everyone agreed?"

"Even Rose." He tells you, "Even though she has a few objections to it because of some psychological stuff I didn't understand. But, yeah, everyone's in. We just have to get Bro."

"Okay. Then tonight comes the hard part."

== This is boring as hell. Skip to the hard part.

You may be Dave Strider, but I'm the author. I'll go as fast as I want, thank _you_.

== Be the author

== Stop being a whiney baby and write

== Be Dave again

After briefly being the author and stopping the whiney baby-ing, you are again Dave Strider.

You are John are sitting up in your room, him on your bed and you at your computer, waiting… waiting… waiting…

"Where are they?" John asks, "We don't have a lot of time."

"Patience, John, maybe Jade's having trouble with the space thingy." You tell him, "They'll get here."

But you're beginning to get anxious. They should be here by now.

"Dave…"

Green light flickers in your room and suddenly there are four occupants.

"Sorry." Jade smiles, "We had to avoid Rose's mom."

Rose nods, "With that said, we don't have much time. We must hurry."

You briefly consider posing as a team, but you banish the thought. There's no time for awesome posing, you have a brother to subdue.

You and John have already swept the apartment four times for weapons, piling them up in the bathroom and barricading the door with a dresser while Bro was getting ready for bed. When he saw it, you'd thought you were busted, but John had bailed you out with, "It's okay, Bro, just some weird kinky stuff you don't want to hear about before you go to sleep."

And he bought it! He even gave you a thumbs-up before he went to sleep!

Now the four of you were silently making your way into his room. This part had to be quick.

Step one: Get Cal out of there.

John takes cares of that with the windy thing, making it as silent as possible and leaving the puppet on the top of the fridge.

Step two: Weapons removal.

Bro didn't keep too many weapons in his room. He usually left them lying around the kitchen and living room to annoy you. So all you had to get out was his sword and a few knives. Sounds simple enough, if he wasn't cuddling with his sword in his sleep.

Now it sounds hard enough, if you didn't have a Witch of Space on your side. She shrank it down gradually so Bro wouldn't feel the difference while he slept, but enough so that you could easily get it out without his realizing.

It joined Cal on the fridge.

That's when you and Rose came in. Flashstepping, you took the excessively long scarf she'd brought, pulled Bro into his computer chair, and tied him up.

And he was fully awake by now.

"Dave, what the hell?"

"This is for your own good." You tell him, "So shut up." You turn to John, "Are we ready?"

"Almost." He tells you, "They're waiting for AC to show up."

"Oh, God, you're actually calling her AC now?"

He grins, "She's been teaching me how to RP. It's fun."

You would've retorted, but you found yourself on the ground, crushed under Bro's foot.

"Dammit!" You shout, "How the hell can you possibly put so much weight on your foot when you're tied up in a chair?"

"What the hell are you up to, Dave?"

"Will someone get this fatty off of me?" You shout.

Roe and Jade proceed to flip over Bro's chair, and then use excess ends of the scarf to tie up his hands and legs.

"We're ready!" John announces.

"This plan was so much easier when you three weren't involved." You groan, "Whatever. Let's get going."

====== Be the strong troll

You are Equius Zahhak. You weren't supposed to be here. You weren't part of the plan.

But you are going to make sure Nepeta is kept safe. No matter what.

(That doesn't mean you have red feelings for her. Nope. Strictly pale. Strictly… One hundred… percent… meowrails… meowtsprits?)

You have absolutely no idea what's going on. Everyone is in their God Tier pajamas- you put yours on, too, just so that you weren't awkwardly out of place- and sitting in a circle, concentrating on… something.

You're sitting behind Nepeta, legs crossed, clutching a towel in your fists. You have no idea what's going on, but it seems like Nepeta finds it important.

So you do, too.

Wait, that didn't sound flushed, did it?

Your worried thoughts are broken when you hear mild screaming.

"Damn it, Bro, shut _up_!"

"AC!"

"EB!"

You look up when you hear Nepeta squealing in delight.

The humans?

Is that what this was about? Why not invite everyone if they were going to visit? It's not like Karkat has secret red feelings for John or anything.

Wait…

"Who's that?" You ask.

Nepeta smiles at you, "That'd Dave's big brother, Equius! Dirk, remember?"

You pause. Oh, the blonde post-scratch boy. The one you'd met in the dream bubbles.

"Oh." Is all you can say.

Dave is pulling his brother's chair upright, yelling at him to stop yelling and trying to break free.

"Shall we retrieve Jake?" Aradia smiles, "After all, he is a major factor in this."

The screaming stops. Dirk's- no, wait, that's Bro… they're the same person, right?- eyes are wide and he's looking up at Dave as best the scarf he's wound up in will allow.

"Yeah, we should probvably do that." The Knight nodded.

Terezi grins, "Hey, Dave!"

"What?"

"Can I lick your eyes _now_?"

Dave groaned, "I knew you were going to say something weird in front of Bro, I knew it."

"Well!" jade clapped, breaking the awkward tension, "How about we get my grandfather/grandson?"

Kanaya nodded, "Let's."

Dave and Aradia quickly joined the Sylph and Witch.

You don't really care about the time-space paradox thing, so you instead direct your attention to Nepeta. She is talking with John, grinning and laughing.

"What's going on?" you ask.

"I thought you didn't want to know." Nepeta laughed, "We're matchmaking, kind of. Purr Dirk misses Jake. So we're helping."

You pause, "Why?"

"Beclaws we want to. And EB asked nicely." She grins, poking John.

"You're going through all this trouble… because he asked you?" You can't help but feel jealous of John at this point.

Nepeta just grins, "Yep! Well, also beclaws everything seem rather boring after playing SGRUB…"

"Look out below!"

You look up, watching a familiar form drop through a portal. John jumps up, using the windy thing to boost him higher, and catching the body.

"Safe!" He yells, "I'm awesome."

"Bring that down here, Egderp." Dave calls up. You and Nepeta walk over to watch as Feferi works her magic.

You notice Dirk. He's frozen stiff, staring at the human body that just entered the area- where the hell are you, anyways? It feels like a dream bubble, but you're not sure- like it was a curse and blessing at the same time.

Maybe it was.

Oh, gog, were those tears? Humans have clear tears, right?

"Hey, it's okay, Bro." Dave smiles, "Want me to untie you?"

== Be Dirk

You shake your head as hard as you can in the annoying restriction you're trapped in. You don't want to go anywhere near this ghost that's been forced upon you.

But not because you've lost interest in Jake.

It's because you're afraid. You're afraid of Jake like Dave had been afraid of John.

Despite your violent refusals, Dave was untying you. Rose was helping. God, why were they untying you?

As soon as your mouth was free you had to choke back a whimper.

"I told you it could have a bad effect on his mental state, but _no_, big and bad Strider boy has to be thick headed." Rose grumbled, "I'm not responsible if he has mental damage."

"If he has mental damage, he'll just restart his weekly visits to Doctor Plushrump." Dave chuckles, "He'll be fine."

"You don't know that."

You're completely untied by now, and Rose is wrapping up the scarf.

And Jake's sitting up.

"Jade? Good heavens, my head… what's going on?"

"Hi, Jake!" The girl grinned, "We brought you back from the dead! … kinda."

"Wow, you can do that? I thought you had to get a kiss to do that." He pauses, "Strider!"

That's when you break. All the memories you'd suppressed, all the memories of SBURB and Jake, coming crashing through your mind and you're sobbing. You quickly move to wipe away the tears, praying Jake wasn't watching your breakdown.

"Strider? What's wrong?"

Oh, Gog, he was holding your hands!

"Dirk?"

You can't help but stare into his eyes. His beautiful green eyes that seem to shine. Or was that the tears?

"What's wrong, chap?"

There's suddenly a hand on your neck, pinching as hard as it could and pulling you to your feet.

"Do it."

Dave.

"Do it or else."

Great, he's getting revenge.

"Get off me." You snap, sounding much more composed than you felt.

"Do it, or you'll never see Cal again."

"What?" You shout, "No! You can't do that! Where is he, you little piece of-"

"_Do it_!" Dave shouts at you, "How many times do I have to say it before it gets through your thick head? Is there some kind of word shielding on that hat?" He reaches up and pulls your hat off, "Do. It. Or the puppet pays the price."

"Keep your hands off of hi-"

"Dirk's in love with you, Jake."

Silence.

"Damn, Egbert." Dave laughs.

"I hate seeing you two fight." John pouts, "It's just heartbreaking."

"Could someone fill in the blind girl?" Terezi asked, "I have no idea what's going on. You humans all smell the same… well, I can tell where Dave and John and Rose and Jade are, because of their outfits- thank Gog for the God tier pajamas- but I can't tell between Dirk and Jake. Which one's crying?"

"Dirk's crying." Kanaya informs her.

"You're in love with me?"

"Wow…" Equius sighs, "It took him that long?"

"You're so dense, it's not even funny." You smile, "Yes."

== Be the dense kid

You smile, "Wonderous!"

Dirk's look of confusion is simply adorable, "'Wonderous'? Does that mean you feel the same? Are you screwing with my head, English?"

"Did I already say once that I wouldn't be object to dating you?"

"What? You've never said that! When did you say that?"

You pause, "Oh, that may have been to Jane… or was it mental Dirk?"

"I remember him!" Terezi smiled, "His existence was weird…"

"You have a mental version of me?"

You smile at him, "Yep!"

"My goodness, won't you kiss already?" Aradia asks, "It's quite obvious you want to and it's pretty much the only reason I joined in on this."

"Kiss him, Bro." Dave smiles.

"Just do this!" John makes kissy faces, "Mwa mwa mwa!"

"Like Rose and Kanaya are doing mentally." Jade sticks out her tongue, "And making me feel awkward standing near… Do you two need some alone time?"

You blink when you feel a mouth covering yours, but smile into the kiss and return it. Dirk's lips are softer than you'd imagined.

And you've _totally_ imagined kissing Dirk Strider.


	7. Chapter 7

**OMG, this is the end! D8**

**Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers! Guest, ElizaKnight, and oddlittlewhale! I love you guys! **

== Be Dave

"Bro?"

"In here, Dave."

You walk into the living room, finding your older sibling sitting on the couch.

"What's up?" he smiles at you.

You are Dave Strider, you're twenty-seven, and you're visiting your brother. He's let you crash for the night before meeting up with John…

"Bro, I'm going to do something… and I want… I mean, I feel like I need your approval."

"No, I don't think you should adopt. You'd be a crap dad."

You roll your eyes, "Not what I was going to ask."

He stands, "Lay it on me, bro."

"I'm going to ask John to marry me."

"Sweet." Bro smiles, "I love that little dude. Do it."

You smile back at him, "You approve?"

"Of course I approve."

You nod, "One more question."

"No, you shouldn't wear a dress. You wouldn't be able to pull it off." He pulls open the fridge and grabs a Faygo for both of you.

"Actually…" You chuckle, "This is something I've asked you before…"

"No, babies don't really come from meteors."

"Can I read to you?"

Bro pauses, "Really?"

"Yeah. It's one of those books you got me before, too. Goodnight iPad."

He grins, "Dude, yes. Come on, we'll cuddle up on my bed for old times' sake and everything."

You are Dave Strider, and you couldn't be happier right now.

== Close this story

You are Dirk Strider.

And you haven't smiled like this in a long time.

"I love you, Davey."

"I love you, too, Bro."

* * *

**(Psssst. Enough positive reviews and I may add a bonus chapter! 8D Just saying.)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Strider Bros-bonus**

**You guys know that cute, adorkable smile that John's sprite had when Rose went Grimdark?**

**Multiply that by ever review I got, and that's my smile.**

**Otaku-Fangirl18, DaRkCaRnIvAl413, Coraline, cicir, Little Miss Zy, nekobaka99, Guest, UsagiGirl123, TwinchiPistols, and Aslook.**

**These are scenes that I wanted to add to the story but never got to. They're in order from beginning to end, but you can skip this chapter if you want.**

**Really, I mostly just wanted to have Dave's dreams and the bit with Amanda added in. The rest just sort of came along with the deal.**

== be the little one

You are Davey Strider.

Today has been an amazing day for you. Bro had woken up extremely early due to some dreams he said you didn't need to hear about, and had made pancakes for breakfast.

Not to mention that this entire week Cal wouldn't be home because his hand had fallen off and Bro had entrusted him with a close ventriloquist friend to fix him.

And to put the icing on the badass cake, you'd been able to swipe Bro's hat before you'd left.

Hell yes. You sat in the story time circle, hat perched on your head, leaning against the wall like the swag mofo you are.

"Davey?"

You smile at your best friend, Amanda, "Sup?"

"Is that's Bro's hat?" She was awe struck.

"Yeah. I snatched it from him this morning. But I can't let it get messed up or I'm going to be cursed with Cal for forever. More than usual, that is. So don't touch it."

She nods, "Okay."

You grin, "Today is so amazing. I love today. It's wonderful."

Miss Moore finishes her book and smiles, "Alright, everyone. I have a special assignment for you all. I want to hear about your dreams. I want you to write a little book, with lots of drawings, about dreams you've had. You must have at least three in there. I've got a couple of booklets stapled together, grab one that's big enough for you. And you all know where the pencils and crayons are."

You pause.

Dreams?

Your dreams…

Were all usually the same.

The happy ones, at least.

We're the bad dreams allowed?

You stand and take a small book, knowing you wouldn't be able to put much in yours. You grab what colors you know you'll need: red (to write in), a few different kinds of purple, black, and yellow.

You go over to your desk, sitting down and thinking.

You grab the black, drawing yourself as best you can, your cool pointy shades looking as awesome as ever, and get to work drawing your purple room. Your dream room. There's a window there, and a bed right there, and there's a door. Oops, you almost forgot the cool moon on your shirt. You smile at your work and take the red, thinking about what to write.

my dreems are always p

You grab your purple, looking at the side to see how to spell the color.

my dreems are always purple and I hav reelly cool and comfie PJs

You turn the page. You pause and think. What else can you add?

You grin. There were the few times you looked out the window!

You take the black and purple again, drawing the small people you'd seen and the bridges and buildings they'd been on.

1 time i lukd out the window and saw some peepl

they wer far away so i didnt see them good

Last page.

The only positive thing you have left.

You stand up, walking back to the box full of crayons and pencils and pick out a bright pink. You hurry and walk back to your book, coloring in the purple room and scratching MEOW on the walls.

i left my towr 1 time and found this gurl

shes pretty but she wont wak up

and she has meow evrywear

You grin and close the book, writing MY DREEMS on the front in bright red and putting your name on it.

Miss Moore calls you over to her during recess. You'd left Bro's hat inside, in your cubby, so it would get messed up. This makes you a bit paranoid. Did something happen to the hat?

Wait…

Oh, she wanted to talk about your dream book! She had it in her hands.

"Yes?" you grin.

"Davey, these were supposed to be different dreams. Not the same one."

You blink, "But they are."

"You dream the same place every time you sleep?"

You shake your head, "No, but I didn't wanna put the scary dreams in there. I only go to the purple place for happy dreams. Bad dreams happen when I'm not there."

"What bad dreams?"

== Tell her

And you do. You spill your guts about the horrifying images that haunt you, of a boy in green lying dead, of a shrill laugh that sends shivers down your spine, of a rainbow of colors that drips like water, and the absolutely horrifying horns that have you crying in Bro's arms whenever you wake up.

"Davey, that's just a nightmare."

"No, it's real! And it's so scary. It happens over and over again and there's always someone dead and sometimes it's me and once it was Bro and-"

You're telling her everything. You tell her about the pretty girl from the MEOW room, dressed all in black with her skin blackened. You tell her about the dog barks and the one armed man with wings and a sword. You tell her about the angry gray boy with the curvy knife thingies, splashed with purple. You tell her about seeing Bro stabbed through the chest with one of his own katanas. Your heart is out on a plate for this woman and she's holding a knife. The only question is, will she stab it, or protect it?

"Davey, have you told anyone else about these dreams?"

You shake your head.

"I think you should. Would you like me to help you?"

She was protecting your heart.

== Do the timeskip thingy

The author does the timeskip thingy.

You are Davey Strider and Miss Moore has made you an appointment with the guidance counselor at your school. You're supposed to tell him all about your dreams, good and bad, so he can help you.

And you do. You tell him everything, from your tower to flying over to the MEOW girl's tower to the barking to seeing Bro dead and everything in between.

And he just sits there, watching you behind his weird glasses.

When you're done, he hands you a small note, instructing you to give it to Bro.

So you stand outside the school, waiting for your brother, as usual, talking to Amanda about how awesome the week has been without Cal and how Bro let you wear his hat again.

"Davey!"

You turn, smiling at Bro before saying goodbye to your friend and running off. You jump into the car and fasten your seat belt, holding your backpack on your lap with a huge grin.

"How's your day been, kiddo?" Bro smiled, starting off their after-school conversation as he usually did.

"Miss Moore let me see the counsel guy about my dreams! Do you think it means I'm some kind of super hero, Bro?"

Bro laughs, "I dunno, kid. What'd he say?"

"Oh!" You grin and fish around your pocket, "This is for you!"

You wait until Bro comes to a stop sign to hand it to him. He takes it, unfolding the paper and reading what was on it.

He balled up the paper in his fist and shoved it in his pocket.

"Don't go see him again, Davey."

== Be the amazing big brother

That douchebag.

That cock sucking, under qualified, therapist-wannabe.

Your brother does _not_ need therapy! He's just a small kid with weird dreams! What the hell does he know?

Screw him and screw the rest of the school.

They don't deserve your brother.

== Be an idiot

You are Dirk Strider and you are an idiot.

You knew this was a bad idea.

But you've gone too far now. The guidance counselor's shirt is bunched in your fist and he's scrambling for something to stand on. Let him sue you for assault. _No one_ Calls your brother insane. _No one_ hurts Davey. _Ever_.

"You wanna take back what you said about my little brother, or will I have to convince you of just how sane Davey is?"

He can't respond. He's too scared. Working at a preschool would probably soften many people. But you don't work at a preschool. You work at your record store just a few blocks down from your apartment.

You work in a part of town where if you don't have a weapon, you're dead.

"Well?" You snap, "Do you want to take back your words?"

Someone knocks at the door and you drop him to the ground.

One of the ladies from the front desk walks in. Wasn't she the mom of that girl Davey was friends with? She pauses when she sees you.

"Oh, Mister Strider." She smiled, "Do I need to call Davey?"

The counselor is pulling himself to his feet.

"David Strider is insane." He tells you, "Normal people do not-"

The lady let out a yelp when you turn and slam him down on his desk, face down.

"My brother isn't even ten years old and he's already smarter than you. Your idiotic theories and ideas are worthless and no matter what you say, I know that my brother will amount to more than anything you could ever hope of doing."

"Your brother will amount to a psychiatric ward!"

You growl. It hurts your throat slightly, but you make it loud. You see his eyes widen with fear.

"One more word about this, and I assure you, you will be dead by the end of the week." You tell him, "Davey is-"

"Bro? What are you doing here?"

You stand. At the door, next to the woman, is Davey. He's got a folder in his hands and a confused look on his face.

"Where're you bring that?" You ask, squatting down next to him with a smile.

"Missus Leblanc." He tells you, "What are you doing?"

You scoop him up into your arms, "I'll take you to her, 'kay? Come on, kid."

== Be Davey

You are Davey and you are not stupid.

You've seen your brother fight many times. He's a pretty scary guy when he wants to be. Even dressed as Kimber Benton in her Glitter and Gold outfit, he can he absolutely horrifying.

And you heard his voice as soon as you walked in the building. You'd been standing there for a while. You'd heard a lot.

Bro takes you down to Missus Leblanc's office where you give her the folder. She smiles and hands you a second one in return. Bro tells you to wait for him and walks up to the front desk. When he comes back, he's got one of those visitor passes on his sleeve and he scoops you into his arms again.

"I can walk, Bro." You tell him.

"I just wanna carry you, Davey." He tells you.

And you let him. He takes you back to Miss Moore's room and he sets you down outside the door. He knows you have to maintain your cool kid image and being carried is so not cool. You take the folder in your hands and bring it over to Miss Moore with a grin.

"Hello, Mister Strider." She smiles at Bro, who nods in her direction.

You notice he has your bag in his hands.

"I'm taking Davey home early." He tells her, "Come on, kid."

You nod and run over to your desk, opening it carefully and pulling out the hat he let you wear again. You wave goodbye to Amanda, who doesn't look at you.

As soon as you're out the door, Bro falls to his knees and hugs you. You pause, but hug him back.

"Bro?"

He smiles at you, pulling back, "What's up, Davey?"

"What's a psychiatric ward?"

Bro freezes. Quite visibly. His shoulders tense and his smile dies, replaced with his poker face.

"It's a place for people who aren't right in the head."

"Am I not right in the head?"

"No, Davey." He stands, pulling you up into his arms once more, "You are perfect."

You grin and push a kiss to his cheek.

"Hey!" He smirks, "Cut that cute crap out." He tells you, "Don't want the whole damn world to explode."

== Davey: Melt hearts

"Screw the world." Davey tell you, "All I need is my big bro."

Your heart melts.

You hug him as tightly as you can before letting him climb into your car. He smiles the whole way home, blasting Jem and My Little Pony music from your iPod and sing as adorably loud as he can.

"Me and my friends are Jem girls!" he sings cheerily, "Jem! Jem is my name! Truly outrageous, that's a Jem girl! Glamor, fashion, and fame!"

"Hey, Davey, I got a question."

He looks up at you.

"How would you feel if I became your teacher? You wouldn't have to go to school or wake up early. You can say no if you want, I was just curious."

He pauses, "That sounds like fun! If you're the teacher, is Cal the principal?"

You can't help but smile. You reach over and ruffle his hair, making him burst into a fit of adorable rage. He swatted and pushed at your hand, trying to flatten his hair back out before shooting you a pointed glare. You just grin back.

== Do something random

You are now the author.

You are currently sitting in your bedroom, on your bed, staring at the drawing of Gamzee, Karkat, and Tavros that you were given for your sixteenth birthday party from one of your best friends.

Suddenly your brain explodes.

But Frank, the under-the-bed monster, quickly pieces you back together and you are back to normal.

Just a regular day in the life of the author.

== Alrighty, then. On we go.

You are Dave Strider. After six years of homeschooling, you're finally back in public school. It's the first day and-

"Hey, freakshow, what's with the glasses? Miss your last anime convention?'

You freeze and look at the speaker.

"_If you get in trouble on your first day I'm going to dangle you over the building for three hours with Cal in your shirt." _Bro had warned.

You decide to, instead, take a much cooler and suave route.

"Nah, man, your mom gave 'em to me after last night."

It was easy to duck under the punch that was thrown. And for each attack given, one was allow in return. So… you trip the kid. Just something simple and degrading.

You turn and leave for the front office, looking at the small map of the school Bro had printed and put in your wallet. You nod to yourself and walk into the office. After a small journey through the building you finally get your schedule and make your way to your first class.

== Be Dirk

== Cry

You are Dirk Strider and you are crying.

Of course, the doors are locked and the window's blinds have been drawn. Don't want to be caught like this.

That would be stupid.

Davey was back in school. It felt so lonely without him here. Without him laughing at something one of his PesterChum buddies told him or your failure to remember where your boxers were…

Without him screaming in sheer terror when Cal appeared out of nowhere and hugged him.

Without him groaning obscenities at something stupid you did or how much he hates everything because of something one of his PesterChum buddies told him.

So you sat on the couch, My Little Pony playing on the screen, tears running down your eyes at poor little Fluttershy's inability to fly super-fast.

== Stop being depressing

No. Screw you. I'm the author. Now stop complaining or I'll send my pet giant evil mutant flying albino squirrel to squish you.

== Be the author

== Shut the hell up

== Stop being stupid

== Do the timeskip thingy again

== Be Dave

You cannot be the author, as the author is the author and she refuses to be you ever again. She is disturbed by the feeling of someone else being her.

Not to mention last time you were the author, your head exploded and that is not a pleasant feeling for anyone who isn't completely insane and has escaped the asylum on multiple occasions.

So, instead you become Dave Strider. But the timeskip thingy does not happen.

Just because the author wants to laugh at you.

You are Dave Strider. You've only been at this school four days and already you've found your childhood friend, Amanda. She's definitely grown up, her dirty blonde hair reaches her midback now and she looks really, really beautiful.

You have fourth period with her.

You decide to try and see if she remembers you.

So, before class, you walk over to her, "Hey, Amanda."

She stares at you for a minute and you're certain she doesn't know who you are.

"Davey?"

Scratch that.

"Just Dave now." You tell her, "After all, we are in high schoo-"

"Look, freak, I don't want anything to do with you or your psychopathic dream self, you got it?" She snapped, "Just… stay away from me."

"Wait, what?"

She glared, "You heard me. I don't want anything to do with you, now go away. It was bad enough you rubbed your madness off on me in kindergarten, I am not letting you do it now."

Where had this come from? Where had the nice, super happy Amanda gone?

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

You step aside to let her pass you. You don't even bother watching her walk away. You just head back to your desk and get ready for class.

Maybe public school was a bad idea.

== Go home

"Hey, Bro, I'm home."

"Hey, Dave, how was school?"

You pause. You've never really had to lie to Bro before, but you don't want him to know about what all had happened.

"Boring."

Bro's smile makes your heart hurt.

"Sweet. So, you gonna stay?"

"Yeah, sure."

After all, homeschooling was beginning to cost too much and Bro needed the money. Public school wasn't as expensive, because they supplied the books and everything. The only financial stuff you had to get was lunch money.

"You okay, Dave?" bro stood from where he was seated on the couch and walked over to you.

"Yeah. S'all cool."

Bro glared. You couldn't see it, but you could feel it, "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Something happened."

"It was nothing."

"If it was nothing, then you can tell me."

You shoot your own glare at him, "It's fine, Bro, really. I have homework."

You know you shouldn't lie to Bro. Not after all he's done for you. But that's exactly why you do it. After everything, he should be able to just sit back and relax without having to worry about you.

== Can we do the timeskip thingy now?

Yeah, sure.

== Be John Egbert

You are John Egbert and you have sent the coolest present you have ever gotten to your best bro.

His birthday is tomorrow and he just told you that he's received it. You squeal in delight and set up your webcam to talk with him while he opened it.

"Dave?" You grin.

"_Yo, Egderp. Got your box."_

You're bouncing in your seat, "Open it, open it, open it!"

"_Alright, alright, calm your tits." _Dave pulled open the blue wrapped box, _"Is this… damn, Egbert. Is this a signed poster of Ben Stiller?"_

"Yep!" You force yourself not to squeal, "What do you think?"

"_I think I'm putting this on my wall right now." _Dave stands up and walks off screen. There's a bit of swearing and some movement before Dave picks up his webcam and points it towards his closet, _"There we go."_

You grin, "That's awesome!"

You hear a knock.

"_Go away, Bro, I'm masturbating to the sound of my best bro's voice."_

You giggle.

The door opens anyways as Dave's replacing the webcam on his computer.

"_Hey there, lil' bro. What'cha doin'? Oh! Hi, John!"_

You wave, "Hi, Bro!"

Dave put his hand in Bro's face, _"Get out of my room."_

"_But I want to see what John sent you! I've held onto the box for hours! You have no idea how hard it was not to open it! Lemme see!"_

"_No. This is my birthday present."_

"_But Davey!"_

"_Stop calling me that!"_

"_Daaaaaaaveeeeeeey!"_

"_Fine!" _Dave groaned, plopping down into his chair and grabbed the box, pulling out the card John had written.

"_Read it to me, Davey." _Bro told him, leaning his head on Dave's.

"_I can't see past your stupid hat." _Dave reached up and pulled the item off of his brother's head, setting it to the side, _"Dear Dave, happy birthday!" _He put a high pitched squeal in his voice that he usually did when reading something of John's out loud. He loved mocking John's voice, _"That's three exclamation points there, Bro. Okay… I just wanted to take a break from telling you how much your gay butt stinks all the time and say what an awesome friend you are. Seriously, on any other day I would be downplaying how you aren't really as cool as you think you are, but just between you and me I think you might actually be that cool." _Dave looked up at him, _"Aw, dude you're gonna make me cry."_

"Shut up and keep reading!" You grin.

"_I think you just gotta get out of your Bro's shadow and spread your wings dude!"_

Bro decided that this was the perfect moment to nibble on Dave's hair, apparently.

"_So I got you these. They're totally authentic! They actually touched Ben Stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. I'm sure you'll dig them because I know you lolled so hard at that movie. Okay so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because I know you wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe you can wear them ironically some time. They _might_ even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades."_

Bro chose that time to glare at the webcam, _"My shades are amazing."_

"_Anyway, have a good one buddy! And stay busy being totally sweet! Little swirly thingy, ghostyTrickster. Open parentheses, John. Closed parentheses."_

"_It's called a tilde, Dave."_

"_Sounds like titty." _Dave told him and reached back in the box.

There was perfect silence.

"_Dude."_

"Dude."

"_John."_

"Dave."

"_John."_

"Dave?"

"_Where do you live again? Bro, I wanna go to John's house. We're gonna have ironic sloppy makeouts in a crazy birthday cake that his dad made."_

You grin, "You like them?"

Dave pulled off his pointed shades and set them down, pulling on the new ones, _"How do I look?"_

"Like a dork."

"_Screw you, Egbert, I'm epic cool now."_

"_Excuse me while I go cry." _Bro walked off screen and shouted, _"My brother doesn't love me anymore!"_

"_I never loved you, stupid." _Dave smirked, _"Thanks for the shades, bro."_

You pause, "Bro's not really crying, is he? I mean… he's too cool for that, right?"

Bro popped back up in the screen… in fact, he filled the screen. He pulled the chair back and plopped himself down on his younger brother's lap, _"That's so considerate of you, John."_

"_Bro, you fat douchebag, get your tubby ass off of me!"_

You can't help but laugh. Your laugh is embarrassing, filled with snorts and hiccups, but you can't stop.

"You two!" You gasp out, "You're so cute!"

"_We are not cute, Egbert! _Bro_! Get off of me!"_

"_We're cute, Davey!" _Bro turned and hugged his brother, _"I looooooooooooooove yoooooooooooou!"_

== Fast forward

You are Dave Strider.

It is your birthday and you have received the best presents in the world from your best bro.

Not to mention the stuff Bro gave you.

Nothing could ruin today.

At least, until you finally drifted to sleep and your mind was filled with color. Red, orange, yellow, teal, indigo, teal, red, neon green, brown, blue, teal, red…

And then the barks. The dogs howling and the screams and the blood.

Bro was stabbed.

You saw yourself, your throat sliced open.

John stabbed in the chest.

Psychotic red eyes.

Shrill laughter.

Wind.

Blood.

Honk.

Teal.

Scream.

Blue.

Honk.

Shriek.

Blood.

Firefly.

Honk.

MayoR.

And the barks. Oh, God, the barks. Howling and vibrating through your very core.

You wake up screaming.

Bro is already by your side and you grasp onto him.

== Help him.

You are Dirk Strider. You heard Dave's distressed cries while he slept and came into his room to check if he was okay.

Dave clings to you as if he'll lose you in he ever lets go. You don't know what he dreamt, but that didn't matter.

"Shh. It's okay, Dave. I've got you. Nothing's going to hurt you so long as I'm here. Promise. Shh… don't cry. I've got you. I've got you."

"Bro…" Dave whimpered, "I'm so sorry… please… don't leave me. I love you, Bro." he was crying, staining your shirt with him tears but you didn't care.

"I promise, Dave. I'll be with you as long as I can. I'll always be there for you."

== Years in the future

== But not that many

You are Dirk Strider.

It hurts to breathe.

Did Dave make it out okay?

God, there are feathers everywhere.

Is Dave okay?

Oxygen in.

Where the hell was that orange Dave?

Carbon dioxide out.

Was he alive?

Breathe.

"I'm sorry, Davey…"

== Skip again

"Dirk!"

God, this hurt.

Okay… ow.

Yep, that's going to leave a mark.

Dave is over you, screaming. His shades have fallen off. Your glance around and see them nearby. Can't have a Strider without his shades. You grab them and pulled them onto his face.

"Holy crap, dude, hurry up and die. I don't care how incestuous it is, I'm going to kiss you to life. I am not losing you again!"

You can't help but love this moment. Your brother, the one you'd idolized for so long, was worried for you. He was screaming swears and threats and you could see tears welling up in his eyes.

Oh, crap, there were people nearby. You reach up and wipe away his tears.

He is Dave Strider.

He's too cool to cry.

"This is going to hurt." He tells you and pulls the sword from your chest.

It does. It hurts like hell and you feel yourself slipping away quicker than before.

And as soon as your vision goes black, you feel pressure on your neck. Are you dead?

Your eyes shoot open and Dave is still there.

"You die on me again, you piece of crap, and I'll let you bleed slowly." He hisses and stands, wiping his mouth, "Disgusting."

== More timeskip

Dave closed the book and looked at Bro.

The older Strider grinned at him and pulled him into a hug.

"That was just as awesome as when you were little."

"Hey, Bro?"

"Hm?"

"Be my best man for the wedding? I mean, if John says yes."

Dirk smiled, "He'll say yes. And of course I will."

"Sweet."

"Love you, Davey."

"Love you, too, Bro."


	9. Chapter 9

**Strider Swag**

**Well, by popular request, I'm doing two bonus chapters. The first one, that I already posted, and this one.**

**Here we go.**

== Be the green boy

You are Jake English. Your existence is weird.

In this timeline, you are actually dead. Jade even showed you your body, stuffed and kept pristine. It was… kind of creepy, actually. But you admire yourself from this timeline. After all, he was an adventurer.

You are currently with your boyfriend, Dirk Strider, holding hands at a booth in a very posh restaurant that Dave had taken the two of you and John to.

"It's just a double date, dude." Dave had told you, shrugging.

Dirk simply smiled, "You sly little whore, you just don't want to be alone."

For some reason, Dave blushed, "I… shut up, you dick!"

And Dirk laughed, "God, you really are pathetic! Fine, we'll come."

You were, to say the least, extremely confused.

"You want me to bring Cal, too?" Dirk teased his brother, "So that the whole Strider family is there?"

"No way! Keep that damn thing away from John, or I swear, I will toss him I the oven."

"You wouldn't dare!"

The brothers fought like that for a while, yelling insults and threats that nether really meant. You quickly got bored and decided to watch Avatar again on Dirk's Xbox. You had already finished it and looked at other movies Dirk had on his Netflix before they finally stopped.

Now, here you were, holding hands with Dirk, sitting across from John, and still confused as to why Dave wanted you there.

And why did he look so scared?

Oh, God.

Oh, _God_.

Was Dave breaking up with John? Did he want you there just in case John got angry or something? You really shouldn't have watched that romcom before you left, now you had all these crazy things running through your head.

Dirk took a sip of his wine. He then started to cough. You jumped, looking at him to eb sure he was okay.

Wait.

Did he just say "Do it."?

Dave glared, "Don't choke and die, Bro." he snapped with as much hatred as he could.

John looked just as confused as you felt.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Dave sighed and looked at John, "Hey, bro, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Dave." John smiled, "What's wrong?"

"How much do you love me?"

John grinned his usual giant, goofy grin, "More than anything in the world."

Dave slid out of his chair and onto one knee, pulling off his shades and taking something from his pockets. He placed whatever it was in john hands and smiled, "Then marry me."

Dirk was grinning like a buffoon. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes at the display.

John clenched his eyes shut, "God, oh, God… please don't let there be a Ring Pop in here, please let this be real…" He opened the velvet box in his hands and grinned. He wrapped his arms around Dave and squealed with delight, "Oh, Dave, I love you! Yes! Yes, yes, yes!"

== Be the derp

You are John Egbert and this is officially be best day ever.

It was already awesome when Dave told you this morning that he wanted to take you out to dinner on a double date with his bro and Jake.

It got better when Rose and Jade came over and you were able to do a video chat with Karkat, Kanaya, Gamzee, Tavros, and Vriska. It was so much fun and Gamzee started playing a drinking game with Karkat where they would each take a gulp of some of his Faygo whenever Rose and Kanaya flirted or stared at each other with their little lovesick eyes.

You, Dave, and Jade quickly joined.

And _then_ the four of you actually all sat down and watched Con Air together!

But now? This was the best part.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" You shouted, uncaring of who was around and pulling your now-fiancée into a huge, sloppy kiss. He immediately has his arms wrapped around you and is returning the kiss, pouring all of his love and affection into it. You can't help but grin, breaking the kiss involuntarily.

"Dirk, I'm going to cry…"

"What? Dude, don't cry."

You catch Jake's tears out of the corner of your eye and see Dirk jumping to make the waterworks stop.

But that doesn't matter.

All that really matters right now is the wonderfully perfect blonde haired, read eyed man in front of you and the ring he just slipped onto your finger.

== Fast forward

== Switch characters

You are Dave Strider and you can't believe your eyes.

Not only was Bro the best big brother in the world, he had decided to take up the job of getting the suits for you and John to wear by himself. And he was helping you pay for a hell of a lot of the wedding.

Back to the suits.

"Holy crap!" John laughed, "Dude, Bro, is that my Wise Guy suit? That is so awesome! Oh, my God, Dave! Look! It's your Puppet tux!"

And that it was. The bright red Plush Puppet Tux you had worn during SBURB was staring you in the face, the scratched record that was on the chest was still a commonality in your clothes, but showed itself less often. You preferred wearing the red sleeved record shirt when you talked with the trolls, though.

"Dirk, you are the coolest guy in the world! I'm going to try this on! Come on, Dave, I want to see you in yours!"

John grabs both the suits and drags you into the bedroom. He sets the outfits down and begins to remove his shirt.

"Dave, come on, this isn't a strip show, it's trying on clothes."

"I'm sorry." You shake your head, breaking out of your daze, "You just look so amazing." You step towards him and wrap your arms around his waist, kissing his neck.

He giggles, "Dave, come on. I promise, I'll strip for you later."

"I'm going to hold you to that." You tell him and back off, pulling off your own clothes and pulling on the suit. It feels softer than you remember it being, but that's cool.

You look at John. He was currently fixing his neon freaking green tie. He smiled at you and tightened the accessory, reaching over to you to tie yours.

"I can't believe you never learned to tie a tie." John chuckled.

You don't really hear his words, though. You're too busy undressing him with your eyes. Oh, _Gog_, how can someone look so amazing in a suit? Suits weren't supposed to be sexy; they were supposed to be formal!

"Dave?"

== Tell your fiancée what you want

"I want to strip you and pound you so hard into the mattress you will feel it for weeks."

His face turns bright red, "What?"

"Leave the tie, though." You tell him, "I like the tie."

"Later, Dave. Perhaps when your brother isn't here?'

"Bro!" You shout, "Go home, I want to get laid!"

A few seconds later, the door opens.

"You think you would have learned that I am the ultimate cock block for you, lil' bro." He grins at you, "Aw, you look so cute."

"Hell, you want to stay?" You smirk at him, "Alright, but I'm not sharing him."

John glares at you, "We are not having sex when your brother is here!"

"He's a Strider, he can be quiet." You wrap your arms around his waist and lean forward to nibble on his neck, "Gog, John, no one should look this sexy in a suit."

He grabbed your hands and pushed you off, "No, Dave. Bad."

"But, John! How can I be expected to resist you when you look so perfectly delectable?"

He glares, "I promised you, remember? Later. But for now, you're going to have to get over it."

Bro laughed in the doorway, "Yes, be patient, Davey."

"Don't you have a time-paradox boyfriend to run around you?" You snap.

"Nah, Jake's at work. I'm all yours, little brother."

== Visit the sisters

You are John Egbert and _holy crap_! You'd seen Rose and Jade in these dresses during SBURB, but now that they were grown, they look so much prettier!

Bro had gotten a version of Roses old Velvet Squiddleknit Dress. It was extremely form fitting and showed off every single one of her curves.

Jade was in her old Dress of Eclectica. This one was also tight, but only on the chest and stomach. The skirt fanned out below her belt and made her look as cute and playful as she was.

"Wow." Was all you could say.

Dave, on the other hand, was a bit more vocal, "Okay, I feel really weird, looking at my sister and fiancée's sister and think 'Wow, they look hot'. Is that a normal thing? Because, wow, you guys look hot. Volcanoes are jealous of how hot you are."

"Well, thank you, Dave." Rose smiled, "It's good to know that you think your sister and future sister-in-law are hot."

He smirked, "Exactly."

You grin, "I think you both look wonderful! Oh, jeez, I'm so excited!"

Jade grabs your hands and looks you in the eye, "You're getting married, John!"

The pair of you break off into excited squeals of delight. You don't care that Rose and Dave are there. Hell, the president could be there and you wouldn't give a damn.

== Be the purple text human

You are Rose Lalonde and, dare you say it, you saw this coming. You've known since you saw John and Dave's first face-to-face meeting in SBURB. You're always so apt at observations like these, it makes you pause sometimes.

But right now, you couldn't be happier that what you'd seen wasn't wrong. Dave was smiling, truly smiling, and John was bubblier than ever.

"You know, we're not actual siblings by law and all that." Dave smirked.

"Yeah, but we are by John's amazing ectobiology skills." Jade laughed.

"I'm just saying, I could totally ditch you and marry Rose and no one would give a damn."

"Yes they would." John told him, "Everyone would rush over and make sure you weren't a victim of crazy mind control or you weren't sick and delusional, because everyone who knows you know you're gayer than a fruitcake in rainbow land riding on the muffin train and barfing unicorns." He grinned innocently and sweet, "Not to mention you'd be dead in two days!"

A visible shiver ran down your ecto-brother's spine, "God, how weird is it that the death threat just turned me on?"

"Extremely." You chuckled, "How often do you get thoughts like this? Do you need therapeutic sessions again?"

"No, your sessions ruined my childhood."

"I'm sorry, Dave, but Jem and the Holograms were not real people."

Dave covered his ears, "La la la! I can't hear the liar lady with her big fat ugly lies!"

"People do not biologically have blue or pink or purple hair and you are most likely not going to find earrings that can project giant holograms."

"John, she's bullying me again!"

John pulled Dave into his arms, "Oh, you poor baby. It's okay. I'm here for you. We'll go home and you can cry and watch My Little Pony with a huge tub of ice cream and I'll hide secret cameras around the room and give the tapes to Bro."

"What?"

"I love you."

== Do the timeskip thingy

== Switch characters

You are Dirk Strider and you're the best man at your younger brother's wedding.

Wedding…

No, bad brain, you spent all of last night crying, you're not going to do it in public.

Jake reaches over and squeezes your hand. The motion is small, but comforting, and you cling to his hand like it'll save your life. You're ignoring the priest guy, he wasn't important. What was important was John and Dave.

== Switch again

You are John Egbert and you promised yourself you wouldn't cry.

Dave's hands are in yours and he's smiling.

God, that smile… he rarely ever actually wears it and it looks so wonderful on him, you just want to kiss him right then and there. His shades are off, placed in the breast pocket of his suit. You grin at him, gripping his hands as tight as you can. He immediately returns the gesture.

== Be the proud and slightly scared dad

Look at your son.

He looks so wonderfully happy.

You glance around the room, though, and see all these people…

Why did they have horns?

====== Be the best friend

You are Karkat Vantas and oh _Gog_ what the hell was going on?

How the hell were you even here?

Right, Aradia and Kanaya's time-space thingy. They'd been doing that a lot lately…

John and Dave were smiling their dumb sappy smiles and why did they have to look so damn happy?

You blinked when you feel an arm wrap around your shoulders and look at Gamzee, who just smiles.

He looks so strange; hair brushed and put in a nice suit. And he'd even voluntarily not worn his makeup! You smile and lean against him, not exactly caring about this weird human ritual thing.

====== Be the mother figure

You are Kanaya Maryam, and… you're not going to even try to stop it, you've got tears running down your face. This was so touching and sweet and it goes straight to your bloodpusher.

Rose glances at you and smiles from where she stood behind Dave.

She lifts her hand and wipes it under her eyes. You blush and copy the motion, wiping away your tears. She gives you her bright, heartwarming smile.

== Move on

You are Dave Strider and hot _damn_! Where the hell was John hiding _that_ kiss? It's wet and sloppy and perfect and wonderful and it feels just so _right_.

The reception is crazy, filled with blue and red and records and slime ghosts and…

"How the hell did the trolls get here?" You asked, "When?"

John shrugged, "I saw Karkat, but I wasn't really looking for the guests… wow, this is crazy."

"The beauty of three wonderful ladies who love you both." Bro appeared behind you, putting a hand on both your shoulders, "Who wants to get roaring drunk and go crazy?"

"I do, I do!" John grinned, "Come on, Dave!"

====== Be the one with wings

"No, Gamzee, you can't have any alcohol. You're already high, I'd hate to see you drunk, too."

"But, _bro_!"

"No, Gamzee. Do _not_ make me get Karkat, you know I will."

You grab Gamzee's arm and pull him away from the alcohol, "Just have some food or something. Look, I won't drink either, okay?"

Gamzee stares at you with wide eyes, "But, bro! I wanna see you drunk! Bet it's damn hilarious."

"Yo, Gam!"

The jugglao spins around, "Hey, Stri-bro. Happy bond-thing-whatever-majig."

Dave pauses, "Um, thanks."

You grin, "Dave!"

"Hey, Tav, you're not crippled and you're a fairy!" Dave smiles at you, "Why are you guys here?"

You pause, "I'm… not allowed to say, actually."

"Karbro wanted us to be here!" Gamzee grinned, "Little guy was all snappy and yellin' and we just couldn't _not_ listen 'cause, you know, hell, it's a chance to go to the world we damn _created_."

"Karkat?" Dave laughed, "You're kidding, right?"

"Dave!" John leapt onto Dave's back, "Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave! Your Bro just poured a whole bunch of vodka into the punch and said you have to wear this. Under your pants." He held out… what the heck was that? It looked like something Kanaya put in her hair… kinda…

"Oh, hell no. I'm not wearing a garter, you whore, you're the girl."

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Nuh-uh!"

"John, who makes most of our meals?"

"I do…"

"Who usually tops during sex?"

John pouted, "You…"

"Which of us has worn a dress and said 'I look so pretty!'?"

John grinned, "You, you idiot! That was all you! You dressed up as Sailor Uranus and danced around the room!"

Dave paused, "Damn… well, I still won two out of three."

"You also spend more time on your hair, you take forever with your clothes, I'm pretty sure that the makeup in the bathroom is yours, you're the world's biggest My Little Pony and Jem and the Holograms fan, you pose in photos like a girl, not to mention that you look better in a dress."

"Suck my dick, Egbert, God."

"No, it's Strider-Egbert now!" John puts on his teeth-showing smile, "I got my name changed!"

"And that is why you're the girl." Dave grabbed the thing… garter(?), and pulled it over John's head, "There you go."

You chuckle, "You two are so strange."

====== Be the DJ

No, you used too many =s you idiot.

== Sorry

== Be the DJ

That's better.

You are Dirk Strider and you can't believe what song John and Dave picked for their first dance. You have to actually look twice at the CD.

"Wow." You chuckle, "Alrighty, then."

Jake is standing next to you, grinning like an idiot. You lean over and push a kiss to his lips, which he pushes a bit farther than you'd intended. But you weren't complaining. Definitely not.

Hell, Jake could be dry humping you right now and you would not complain one little bit.

"What's their song?" Jake asked.

Wait, when did the kiss end? You realize you're currently making on your boyfriend's hair and pull away quickly, "Some lame sappy song they always listen to. Always."

You look at Dave and his eyes meet yours. A second later, his eyes really do meet yours, because he swipes off his shades. He nods to you and walks off.

"You ready to see adorkable sappy crap, English? This'll be better than your crappy romcoms."

"My movies are amazing and you know it. You love watching my movies."

"I love watching you watch your movies." You chuckle and kiss him again, "You're just so cute."

Jake glared, "Screw you, Strider. I will fight you, right here, right now. Don't care."

"Nah, Dave would get mad for us bringing our weapons kinks to his wedding." You sigh, popping the CD into your laptop and letting the disc transfer its data.

== Be the derp face

"Yo, derp face."

You turn around, grinning, "Hi, Davey!"

"It's time to dance, babe." He smiles and holds out his hand, "Try not to break my toes."

You stick out your tongue, but take your husband's hand. Your heart is racing in your chest. You knew this would come, but it was still something that You'd been looking forward to, anxious for. You were going to have your First Dance with Dave and _God_, why did Dave have to be so damn _perfect_?

He wraps an arm around your waist, taking your left hand in his right. You smile and put your right hand onto his shoulder as the music starts.

"_How do I… get through one night without you?"_

You grin, "I can't believe you chose this song."

"I like how you are when you listen to it. I think the only thing I don't like about you is how you can stand to not touch me all the time. Because I really_ really_ need you, John. Always."

"You're such a sap." You shift your hand and pull him into a kiss, swaying in time with the melody and words running through the air, "Of course I need you, too. The whole universe seems so dull without you near me." You close your eyes and rest your head on his chest, "Without you… there'd be no sun in my sky. There'd be no love in my life. There'd be no world left for me. Oh, and I… baby I don't know what I would do. I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever leave, baby that would take away everything that's real in my life. And tell me now…"

"How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you, if you ever go? How do I ever, ever survive?" Dave pushed a kiss to your forehead and smiled, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Dave."

"Oh, and John?"

You smiled, "Hm?"

"Bro got us honeymoon tickets to the Bahamas."

Your jaw fell open, "_What_?"

== Fast forward

You are John Egbert and you can't tell what hurts worse, your head or your back. You groaned and pull the blankets over your head, nuzzling into Dave's chest.

"Morning, John." Dave says and you can feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest.

"Morning, husband."

He pulls the covers over his own head and grins at you, "And how are you this morning, my husband?"

"Hungover." You groan, "The trolls go home?"

"Yeah, didn't want to risk a huge panic over gray people with horns." Dave lightly kisses you on the cheek and rests his head on yours, "Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

"We're _married_."

You lift your left hand to show him the ring there, "We definitely are."

He kisses the ring and you smile. He then kisses the back of your hand, your arm, shoulder, neck, chin, cheek, ear, forehead, and he trails all the way back own to your right hand, where his left is intertwined with it.

"You missed the most important part." You tell him and pulled him into a kiss, not caring that you both just woke up or how much you head was pounding or that every time you moved, your backside decided to scream like a virgin giving birth because it hurt a hell of a lot!

"Jesus, Dave." You whine, "What did you do last night, put your hole face up my-"

"Rise and shine, lovebirds!"

You glare at Dave, "I hate your brother."

He smiles, "Now you feel my pain. Fine, Bro, we're up, we're up."

You whimper as Dirk rips the blankets off of you, "Yes! Got the right room this time!" He grins and holds out something to Dave, "Her are your tickets. Get packed. Plane leave in two hours, I'll drive you down there."

"Bro, this is too much." Dave smiles at him.

"Yeah, well, I love you, Davey. And now Egbert's a Strider and so I love him more than I loved him before because now he's not just my bro's boyfriend, he's my brother, too." Bro grinned, "God, I love you both so much!"

"Why are we having an affection party?" Dave asked.

You sit up and rub your eyes, "Bro, get out, I'm naked…"

He shrugs and kicks the door to the hotel room shut, "There. Get dressed." He was seriously dancing around the room… was he singing?

"Dave, your brother's broken."

"Dude, what happened? Do you need to visit Doctor Plushrump again?" Dave asks Dirk.

Bro throws some clothes at the pair of you, beaming, "Well, I got two rooms here… one for you two, and one for me and Jake. You know, sexy times are always more fun in a place you don't own. So… last night… Jake asked me what I thought of us getting married!" He squealed, legitimately squealed, and danced off to start packing away the few things you'd taken out of your suitcases.

== Be the hat guy

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Jake was thinking about getting married!

He looked at your left hand, imagining some adorable gold ring there and almost exploding with joy.

"Bro, calm down."

You turn and scoop Dave into your arms, hugging him, "You two are the best!"

"Shouldn't you be with Jake right now?" John asks, "After all, you want to push him in that direction, right?"

"Actually, he told me to get you two out of here as fast as possible because he wants to spar and he doesn't want to ruin your day by accidentally shooting one of you in the foot or something. And fisticuffs always ends in fun for Dirk. Now _get out_."

"Dave, Dirk's being mean."

Dave smiles, "It's okay, babe, just take your time with everything."

"This is just payback for me not letting you two go at it with the suits, isn't it?" You glare.

Your baby brother smiles at you, "Would it be anything else?"

You suddenly hate your past self.

== Timeskip one last time

== Switch characters.

You are Jake English.

"I'll miss you guys." John smiled, "Probably for about the entire flight before I realize, hell, why am I thinking about them when my new husband is waking aro-"

"I do _not_ want to know anything else." Dirk threw his hand over John's mouth, "Shh… only happy times now."

You laugh and take Dirk's hand, "We'll miss you, too, chaps. Now hurry off before you miss your plane."

"Bro?" Dave finally spoke.

"Sup, lil' man?"

"I love you."

Everyone went quiet.

Dirk smiled, "Love you, too, Dave. Now, go. Have fun. Don't get killed."

Dave takes John's hand and they walk off.

"That was probably the sweetest thing I have ever seen you two do." You tell him with a smile, "I never knew Mister Strider could be such a sweetheart."

Dirk smirks and kisses you, "So, how about that sparring?"

"Loser does one thing for the other." You tell him.

You end up winning.

You now have twenty new photos of Dirk in bright, beautiful, cerulean dresses.

**The end.**


	10. Chapter 10

**This is just a small bit to thank every who has reviewed this story! You have no idea how happy you've made me!**

**To: Otaku-Fangirl18  
I'm so glad you liked it! I was worried that people wouldn't enjoy the wedding scene because I really hate writing all the religious babbling that goes on from the priest (This is meant as no offence to anyone's religion. I just find it boring.) but I wanted to add ****_something_**** without just skipping to the reception! I didn't overload your OTP too much, did I? XD**

**To: UsagiGirl123  
I loved writing little Davey! He's so cute and fun! He's just so cute! And… OMG, a dedicated fan?! That's so kind of you! I don't have any Homestuck stuff I'm working on currently, but I do have an Avengers fic. It's Science Boyfriends, if you like that. 8)**

**To: Guest  
Hell. Yes.**

**To: DaRkCaRnIvAl413  
Yay! You liked it! 8D Everyone likes it! This is so awesome! But I wouldn't call it perfect. I'm not that great a writer, but I do find it fun. *fangirls with you***

**To: Little Miss Zy  
I wish I could, but I'm out of ideas! And I don't want to push the stoy so long that it ends up getting dull and boring (trust me, I've done it before. I eventually just said "Screw this." And trashed the whole thing.) because then no one would review and I wouldn't have all these amazing messages! 8D**

**To: the gregarious Loner  
You all keep calling this perfect! Is it really that good? 8D I tried to mix in as much cute, funny, and sad as I could. And I'm not entirely sure if I want to console you, or cry with you! I love you, too! Yes, I ****_will_**** marry you! We can have the same song as John and Dave! How do IIIIIIIIIIII get through one night without yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu?!**

**To: Yardan Suynat  
Oh, thank you! I would like to thank all my reviewers who supported me, and Andrew Hussie for creating the characters, and whoever started this pairing, and my brain. I know you're out there, brain, and I will fin you! I promise! XD**

**To: pyro-pisces12  
I tried to make him a douchebaggy as possible. He is the ultimate douchebag of douchebaggery. He is a bag of douche. Have I made myself clear? LOL! And Amanda's mean, too. XP I'm glad you read through it, even though you don't like the pairing much. If you have any others to request, I would love to know them! After all, in Homestuck, you can't just ship someone with one person. SHIP ALL THE PAIRINGS! 8D … or at least most.**

**To: Clarity24  
I'm happy you liked it! 8D Davey was probably my favorite part of this… okay, second favorite. My favorite part is Dave opening his present from John and Dirk walking in and just screwin' around with everything! XD What is this?! Two people who don't ship John/Dave read my story?! I don't know why, but that makes me feel ****_really_**** happy!Like I said before, if you have a request, just send it and I might be able to do it for you! 8D**

**The request thing goes for everyone. I love you all!**

**With all my John/Dave shipping heart,  
Reza.**


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